Anxiety Disorder - My story.


Hello everyone, sorry i haven't blogged in like FOREVER!!! I've being so so busy, mainly with therapy..

I never talk about this, but for once I'm going to be open. I have major anxiety disorder, the biggest part of it is due to social fear, hence why I'm so anti-social. I've suffered with this most of my life, hardly went to school, people's houses, parties. It started to get worse in Y7, i had about 8 months off school because i couldn't even leave the house, i didn't even want to leave my room or eat anything, that year i saw a psychologist and within a year managed to get back to school, now this was really tough as i hardly even knew anyone, and of course when someone has that amount of time off, people are going to speculate. I had all sorts of rumors going round about me, some were just so ludicrous. People were horrible and because of this my anxiety got worse, I was up and down for Y8 and 9, but managed to get through it. There was just a different issue everyday, by this point I'd dealt with it so much that I just learnt to cope, but obviously sometimes it got to me. I hated myself, thought i was a complete freak, and you know what I am and I'm proud of that, I was different to everyone else and I embraced it, so i thank all those idiots because they made me a really strong person and figure out who I am! My anxiety didn't stem from this, but it sure as hell made it worse! I just hated people and didn't want to be around them. Y10 was a bad year, all the stress from GCSE's and again useless idiots, my anxiety went sky high, and I struggled with going to school again, I missed so much and then got to Y11 and hardly went at all, I just lost all control, having major panic attacks, couldn't eat, passing out, it was horrendous. After I left school things just went from bad to worse, everyone around me was happy, growing up and moving on with their life, while I was just on this never ending rollercoaster that i couldn't get off of. Everyday was the same, I felt so low, ill and no energy, it was always the same, I just didn't even wanna get out of bed. When everyone was at college I was just stuck doing nothing, That's when I decided to start a fashion blog, fashion is the one thing in my life that makes me happy, along with my doggies! I'm just obsessed with clothes, especially vintage and quirky items. So I started up my blog as something to do, somewhere, where I could share what i love and write freely about it. A year on I've still not managed to get to college, but I only started therapy this February after my 17th birthday, when i first started I had no hope, but I cannot believe where I am today! I wouldn't leave the house, eat very much, eat out anywhere, wouldn't even go out with my parents. Now I've started going out more, mostly with my mum but still it's getting out, eating more, taking my dogs for walks, going to a restaurant and actually ordering something, only ever a starter or kids meal, but I'm getting there. I've even started a job volunteering at a charity shop, which i do really enjoy as i love charity shops! Getting first dibs on a vintage item, what could be better! I've nearly finished therapy and I'm still no where near where i want to be but I'm happy with how far I have come. It's really difficult because from the age of 15 to 17 I have had no life, I've watched everyone around me, going out, socializing and having fun and It's all i ever want to do but I just couldn't. Started talking to a few different people and then they ask to meet me I panic and generally just push them away and we end up stopping talking and it's so frustrating, because more times than not I have really wanted to meet them! I have started going to my brothers football which gets me out of the house and talking to different people. 

Anxiety/depression is not a feeling it's an illness! And hardly anyone really gets it or understands it, they just think you're crazy, but it's like this monster inside your head that just takes over you and at times it's impossible to control it. It is a mental illness but affects you in all aspects of your life, not being able to go anywhere or do anything and affecting you physically, making you run down, no energy or appetite, feeling really low. Once you have anxiety it never really fully goes away, you just have to learn to deal with it when it happens.

It's really difficult meeting new people and arranging to meet them again cause you have to tell them what you're going through if anything happens or you keep canceling which i generally don't because they never understand and just give up.

I'm battling anxiety everyday with everything I do, but I really want to keep trying new things and do things that scare the hell out of me and sometimes it will go wrong but I'll learn to cope the more I do it. I'm a bit stuck at the moment because everyone my age is going out drinking, going to college, and working and I'm just not there yet, I missed out from 15 to now, so in my head I'm still a 15 year old :/ But I'm in recovery at the moment and hopefully will continue to get better everyday.

If anyone of you have any questions or you are going through the same thing and need help or just want someone to talk to about it then you can always message me, cause believe me i know everything about anxiety, i could write a book on it!

Twitter - Lois_rosex
Kik - Looooox
Facebook - Lois-Rose Hill
Instagram  - Loooox
Email - 



You Might Also Like


Popular Posts

Like us on Facebook

Flickr Images